David Brooks, a columnist for The New York Times, is telling us that "our deepest need ... is the need to overcome ... separateness, to leave the prison of ... aloneness." You can click right here for the January 3rd column - and no paywall will block your access, either; at least, that's what I'm promised!
Actually, the words I have just quoted in my first paragraph are not original with Brooks, who is, himself, quoting Erich Fromm in making this assertion. In two of the places where those three dots appear, they are not just an ellipsis, but indicate where I have removed the word "man" and the word "his." From the time of the American Revolution to now, it has been common to use the word "man" to mean all human beings, with the masculine form of the possessive pronoun then being gramatically required. I think it is high-time for this convention to be revised. Using "man" in this sense can definitely be an occasion for confusion, not clarity, given that more than half of the human beings now alive identify with the word "woman," not the word "man."
The reason that I have provided a "gift" link to Brooks' entire column is so that no paywall will prevent you, if interested, from reading the entirety of what Brooks has to say. I do recommend that you "give a listen" to Brooks' message. Here are some quotes (all Brooks, this time, with emphasis added):
- I’ve come to appreciate people who are ardent about life. To paraphrase that great philosopher of love, St. Augustine: Give me a man or a woman in love. Give me one who may be far away in the desert but who yearns and thirsts for the springs of passion. Give me that sort of person. She knows what I mean. But if I speak to a cold person, a suspicious person, a mistrusting person or a calculating person, he just doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
I’ve composed this little homage to love because Americans seem to be having less of it. Think of the things people most commonly love — their spouse, kids, friends, God, nation and community. Now look at the social trends. Marriage rates hover near record lows, and the share of 40-year-olds who have never been married is at record highs. (Cohabitation rates are up, but that doesn’t come close to making up for the decline in marriage.)
- Americans are having fewer kids. Americans have fewer friends than before and spend less time with the friends they have. Church and synagogue attendance rates have been falling for decades. The share of Americans who said they feel patriotic about their country is down, especially among the young. From 1985 to 1994, active involvement in community organizations fell by about half, and there is no sign of a recovery.
- In 2023 a Wall Street Journal/NORC survey asked people about what values were “very important” to them. Since 1998, the shares of Americans who said they highly valued patriotism, religion, having children and community involvement have all plummeted. The only value Americans came to care more about, the survey found, was making money.
- But economic forces can’t explain everything. These trends are not just about who people want to date and marry; we’re seeing a systematic weakening of the loving bonds that hold society together — for community, for nation, for friends and on and on. What’s going on? My short answer would be that you can build a culture around loving commitments, or you can build a culture around individual autonomy, but you can’t do both. Over the past six decades or so, we chose autonomy, and as a result, we have been on a collective journey from autonomy to achievement to anxiety.
If, reading what Brooks has to say - he calls the phenomenon he describes "The Great Detachment" - you are as concerned as Brooks is, let me suggest that the kind of "political" involvement that I have been urging - which begins with "finding some friends" - is one easily accessible antidote.
A New Year is just beginning, and this would be a very good time to countermand any inclination you might have for "detachment," and start building one of those friendship groups that can serve as the mitochondria of the revolution we so profoundly need.
Image Credit:
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thanks for your comment!